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As a wedding officiant, a married woman and a new premarital counselor – Here is some advise from the heart….

There needs to be clear understanding of expectations of roles and functions prior to marriage. This is something that does not need to be figured out during the course of your marriage. Take a look at each other individually and as as a couple – talk about goals – for each other, for the home, career etc……

Most basic husband/wife, mother/father roles and expectations were learnt from family of origin. Discussions and negotiations around these expectations are very important to the relationship. After all it’s not your parents relationship that you will be living out.

Here are some questions to get you thinking:

What do you see as your role? Your spouses’s role?
What does your spouse expect of you? Where do you Agree? Disagree?
How will you go about negotiating your differences?
Any nonnegotiables ?
How might your expectations be based on what you saw in your family?
Are these models of husband & wife roles ok with your fiance?
What husband & wife behaviors did you observe while growing up?
Any concerns about what you observed?
How did you see these concerns affecting your relationship?
Which would you like to repeat? or not repeat?